Hello my friends,
On this, the darkest day of the year, I wanted to reach out with a short note and a few ideas. But first, a confession:
There’s so much more that I planned to share with you recently– reflections on a difficult year, ideas for this holiday season, ways to reflect and love on yourself however you’re feeling heading into 2021 – but lately, the reality of my output has not matched up with my desires and ideas.
I find that I’m operating on very low bandwidth – but still the committee in my head is telling me “you should be writing more, creating more, achieving more, DOING more.”
Though I’m the first to espouse the importance of rest, self-nourishment and compassion, I (like you) was indoctrinated into a culture that told me to measure my worth by outward facing “success” metrics.
I have to consciously talk myself down from that on a daily basis, especially lately.
In case the same has been true for you, I just want to begin by reminding you (us) that wherever you are right now, it’s okay.
It really is enough to have merely survived this year.
Maybe you made your wildest dreams come true, and maybe it was all you could do to wash your hair once a week.
You’re doing enough, you’re creating enough, YOU ARE ENOUGH.
Some things I keep reminding myself:
There IS time. (To create, to achieve, to rest, to play, to nourish.)
There IS enough. (Enough money, love, time, ideas, enough of me.)
I am ALREADY there. (No house, no child, no ideal weight, no amount of book sales will make me feel any more whole than I already am. These desires can come from a loving place and I can work my ass off to achieve them – but they will not make me anymore deserving of my own love –that’s an inside job.)
I hope the above mantras are useful for you too. And as night falls on this dark day, I’d like to share some prompts for you to ponder going into this new year. May they guide you in darkness and light – and remind you that however 2020 panned out, you are (and always have been) exactly enough.
Journaling prompts:
What was a difficult moment for you this year? How did you overcome it?
What did you change your mind about this year?
What has been nourishing for you in 2020?
What book or TV series filled your cup this year? How did it change you?
What did you do, overcome, or learn in 2020 that makes you feel proud of yourself?
Who made this year a bit brighter for you? Can you share your gratitude for them in a note or message?
What did 2020 teach you about your own “surge capacity” or bandwidth? How can you protect it going forward?
How can you be more compassionate with yourself as you head into 2021? (What does this actually look like? Is it journaling, making time to spend with friends, or taking yourself out on a date once a week?)
If you could give yourself a note as you walked into the new year 2020, what would that note say?
What is something you’d like to do more of in the coming year?
What are you grateful to 2020 for? Is it a lesson, an experience, your health? List as many things as come to mind.
As you answer these questions, hold the grief you may feel at what’s been lost this year alongside the warmth of what was gained. Feel it all – allow it all.
One of the greatest lessons 2020 taught me was the necessity of paradox: of two things being true at once.
Tremendous grief can coexist alongside warmth and joy. We can recognize suffering (both our own and the world’s) while also recognizing beauty.
I hope that as you greet the day tomorrow, you do so remembering that you are not alone, you are exactly where you are supposed to be, and you are exactly enough.
Solstice greetings and lots of love,
Melissa
PS: I wanted to share some of the things that have nourished me this year. If you haven’t read or experienced any of these, you should go do so – trust me.
Movie: The Family Man. (This holiday movie always reminds me to appreciate my imperfect and unexpected life – to find a richness in the immaterial things. It’s not new (released in 2000) but go watch it if you haven’t.)
Podcast: Unlocking Us by Brene Brown. (Throughout my own highs and lows this year, this podcast has been a consistent anchor for me. Brene interviews fantastic guests who always teach me something new about myself, our culture, and the person I want to be. I highly recommend it.)
Music: Beautiful Chorus (Y’all already know I love them because I link one of their songs at the end of almost every newsletter. Their soulful mantras have both lifted and grounded me on days I need it the most. I recommend putting them on as you take a hot shower at the end of a rough day.)
Book: Untamed by Glennon Doyle (I don’t even know what to say about this book…it was THAT good. Glennon beautifully and simply articulates how our culture has tricked us into feeling not enough – and how to “get untamed” and remember our most true and beautiful selves. If you haven’t read it and you’re sick of everyone telling you to read it, do yourself a favor and just give it a go. I wanted to underline every sentence.)
Another good book – mine. 😉 But seriously: if you’re a mom, love a mom, or know a mother/daughter who would appreciate being closer via a shared journal, this is a great gift. The “Questions You’ll Wish You Asked” journal is a series of prompts for a mom to answer for her daughter; I wrote it propelled by the loss of my own mom (and the questions I wish I’d asked her.) I hope you’ll check it out or share it with those you love. If you want it carried at your local bookstore, just call and ask them to order it. Otherwise, you can order it here.
Xoxo
Melissa