ABC News 10 Sacramento’s Aubrey Aquino and me
I was on the news today.
I got the chance to guest star on a show here in Sacramento called “My California Life” on ABC News 10; I talk about how I got into this work, the podcast, and what exactly a life coach even is.
It’s a short but fun clip and I linked it below so that you can check it out if you want.
But anytime I speak in public (whether it’s live or not) I get a fair amount of nerves – and I like to talk about that because it’s easy to think that people who “seem” confident public speaking are all rock solid on the inside.
Most of us that speak publicly on the regular still TOTALLY still get nervous and fearful, but have found ways to channel this into STILL doing these poop-in-your-pants-nerve-wracking-moments.
(This is actually the entire foundation of my life and my teachings: it’s okay to be scared! It’s okay to be terrified! Most people are the same way on the inside and it’s simply about doing things anyway.)
But when most people would literally rather die than speak in public, what’s an actionable tip that can serve even the most terribly nervous?
I’ll share the thing that’s worked for me in my speaking across a wide variety of platforms on a litany of topics:
Stop.making.it.about.you.
Just stop it.
Harsh, I know – but let me explain.
Most of the time when I get nervous before a speaking engagement it’s because I’m going wild in my head with what could go wrong and what I want people to think.
I hope I sound smart…
I better be articulate!
What if I don’t get enough time?
What if I look frumpy?
What if someone from high school is watching and judging me?
I could literally go on and on and on, but you get the point: my head is screaming at me “be afraid, be very afraid! This could RUIN you!”
(I hope you’re picturing me fainting onto a velvet couch with my wrist to my forehead in dramatics.)
The common thread in all those thoughts up there is that I’m making “it” (the speaking engagement) about me.
Do you see how many times I said “I” up there?
How “I” want to be perceived, how “I” could be “made” or “ruined” by this speaking gig, how “I” am being judged for how I look/talk/sound/etc. The assumption is that people are concerned with me/judging me/not in their own world (which all of us actually are.)
It’s easy to think we should be focused on ourselves if we’re speaking right? Especially if the topic is literally YOU and your business, idea, work project, or story.
But even if the topic is completely about you, the only way I’m able to speak in public EVER is by making it about who could be helped.
The only thing that gets me out of my self-focus (worry) is realizing that it’s not actually about me.
I HAVE to zoom out and ask:
Who could benefit from hearing this story/topic/experience?
Who can feel less alone, have an idea sparked, be emboldened to share their OWN story?
Who could be helped if I can stop worrying about how I look/sound/feel and make it about the message?
In my example today, I recalled my former self that needed to hear this podcast when I was younger. I thought about how I constantly felt weighted under this imagined “potential” and uncertainty about how to actually move forward and do anything with my life.
This former self slept until noon most days, woke feeling crappy form overeating the night before, and felt terribly isolated and different from my peers who seemed to have life figured out.
When I went on the news today, I thought about her – because there is someone out there right now who is feeling the same way. (And maybe they’re up earlier than I used to be - Ha.)
Maybe, there’s someone out there who’s overwhelmed with the choices in front of them
Maybe they feel ashamed that they don’t use the privilege of choice by making a “good” one.
Maybe they feel so far off course they don’t know if they can ever get back.
Maybe they need to hear stories (on the podcast) of how even the most “societally” respected people have struggled, felt uncertain, and sometimes STILL wonder what they should do with their life.
Maybe that person is out there, right? Not just for me, but for you.
Whether it’s sharing a message in your writing, an idea at work, or even going on the news and talking about your biz: if we don’t make it about us (and instead make it about helping another) the pressure is off.
We don’t HAVE to control the narrative, people’s opinions, or even the impact we leave.
We simply need to show up, take some deep breaths, and remember who could be helped.
What if it’s not actually about us at all, right? What a relief.
Check out the clip below, and feel free to leave a comment letting me know how you handle the “scary” stuff in life.
xo
Melissa