I’m sober and have been for over eight years now.
When I first got clean I wanted to fix everything really fast: I wanted to mend every broken relationship, get a high paying or flashy job, and have a PhD already. In what? It didn’t matter. I just knew I was behind – and that I needed to execute a grand plan that would assure me a place in the life I was “supposed” to be leading.
I didn’t receive this longed-for life in early sobriety. And if someone had handed me everything I wanted in those early days, I likely woulda burned it to the ground anyway because I was building on quicksand – I didn’t yet have a foundation.
A foundation of humility – like the humility I felt when some people didn’t want me back in their life.
A foundation of trust in a Higher Power – trust I had to build in the devastating wake of my mom’s death.
A foundation of self-knowledge— self-knowledge that came from scrapping together first steps, taking them, and learning to accept myself even before I could see the whole plan, and before I had any of the “outside” stuff I thought would buy me happiness.
For me, this foundation is a guide through every decision, every action, and every ounce of uncertainty I come across.
When I’m scared, when I’m excited, when I’m grieving or longing or chasing or wondering I ask…
Am I grasping from the quicksand of ego, or grounded in a sturdy foundation?
Am I trusting in the opinions of society and other people, or listening to whispers from my Higher Power via my own stillness?
Am I trying to put together grand plans laid on a bedrock of fear, or being guided by faith and the abundance of life itself?
I encourage you to ask yourself these same questions.
When you’re chasing a goal and full of fear…
When your mind wants you to keep playing small but your heart tugs at you to expand, transform, and leap…
When you’re about to make that scary phone call, head to the follow-up scan at the doctor, or sit down to dinner with the family member whose voting for the other guy, ask yourself:
What foundation am I resting on?
Is this a quicksand of fear or a bedrock of love? Is this the terror of trying to play it safe or the trust in an abundant and loving universe? Whose voice do I hear when I get still, small, and quiet?
I dare you to take steps even when you can’t see the whole path – and trust that your worth comes not from what you may or may not build or from the words anyone else might say– but instead rests in your intrinsic, inner, deeply seated foundation. From that place, you can build any life you damn well please. (Or even get your PhD.)
Keep going my loves,
Melissa
PS: I’m putting together an article on my favorite life-changing-forever-transforming-never-see-things-the-same books. I can’t wait to share it with you, but I want to know – what’s a book that YOU think everyone should read? What book has changed your life, stayed with you, or shifted your perspective in a big way? Comment on this post and let me know.
I know things are hard right now – but we’re in this together. You’re stronger than you think.