You guys...I made something I’ve been thinking about for years:
A deck of conversation starting cards for mothers and children, inspired by (and a companion to) the Questions You’ll Wish You Asked journals. It’s full of the best questions in the journals, as well as some new and updated ones (because I’ve learned a lot from your messages in the past five years.)
This deck felt important because conversations are another means of connecting intergenerationally, and many were already using the journals like this anyway: flipping them open to any given page and talking out an answer, rather than only writing it.
But I also know there’s something less formal about grabbing a card from a deck to “just see what question comes up” that might be easier for people who feel any weight around writing, long for a more casual experience, or just want to connect in real time.
I made the cards for people who want to drop into deeper conversation with their mom, but don’t always know how to do so. (This, combined with the new and modified questions, mean that the deck is a great companion to the journal, even if she’s already writing in it.)
I made the deck partly because of the above, but also to consider another need, one I only became aware of after the journals gained momentum, and I began getting the same messages repeatedly from adult children over the years:
What if my mom had a tough childhood? Will these prompts be too painful for her?
What if we have a complicated relationship?
We only recently reconnected after years of no contact—will these questions drudge up our old pain?
In the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day, I get these messages daily. And beneath them what I hear is…
Is this going to help, or harm? Will she be okay? Will we be okay?
I try to meet the questions with tenderness and curiosity:
“Only you know what feels safe in your relationship. Does this feel important to bring up or gift?”
“Is the uncertainty you’re feeling the vulnerable kind, or the “this would cross my own boundaries” kind?”
“Can you give her permission to skip the questions she’s not ready for?” (I then direct them to the sections with lighter and fewer questions rooted in the past.)
I have total trust that whomever is gifting the journal can discern if it’s the right time/place. And, when I created this deck, I kept those conversations in mind, so I set up sections that can serve as a “choose your own conversation adventure” type guide.
Your Roots (childhood and family stories)
Becoming Mom (the motherhood journey)
Your Reflections (values, love, and life)
Knowing You Better (favorites, firsts, and fun)
A Deeper Dive (truths, losses, and what matters most)
Those who don’t want to dredge up mom’s childhood can skip “Your Roots” and dive into “Becoming Mom” - a section that centers on Mom’s path into parenthood and the intergenerational connection.
For those who don’t want to go there and just want light and fun, I created “Knowing You Better” - questions that stick to the present, interesting and neutral topics, or speculative questions that are going to lead to even bigger and more interesting conversations.
I know it’s impossible to build a bridge for all mothers and children to cross in order to understand each other better, nor do I think we all should - I will always stand by the fact that not EVERYONE should be asking their parents questions and that good loving relationship fences make for good peaceful lives.
But as someone with a deep investment in the mother/child connection, who is still in conversation with their mother almost twelve years after her death, and who longs to keep creating paths to that field between “wrong-doing and right-doing” that Rumi invites us all to meet in…
This deck is a gentle road. I’m so excited to share it with you.
And because this is the first ever printing (the launch!) I am giving a 20% discount to everyone who pre-orders for this first print run - it’s priced at $27.95 until April 15th or until my supplies last (reminder that I am a small business and I order these all to my home before shipping them to you. I got the notification that they were shipped to me today - and they will for sure arrive in time for Mother’s Day to you, hopefully much sooner, which was my hope.)
Pre-ordering is SO helpful to small businesses and self-published authors - it helps me to gauge interest and then order more in time for Mother’s Day if there’s a demand! You can order the deck right here.
If you’re reading this, you’ve been a part of this journey, and I am so grateful for your presence and support. And if you order one I would love to hear what you think of this deck.
See you in Rumi’s field,
Melissa
Click any of the images below to learn more or order. xoxo
