When I was in my early twenties I decided to pick up a hitchhiker.
I’d been reading Jack Kerouac, was in the mood for some adventure, and was sure that the person I saw with his thumb out on the side of the road was not only harmless, but probably fascinating.
Me circa 2005
I mean who actually still hitchhiked in the year 2005, right? Isn’t that indicative of a larger and more interesting story?
(It should be noted that this was in my hometown of Rio Linda, CA for anyone who’s familiar or feels like googling. Rush Limbaugh had some choice words about our little town after stopping by in the 80’s.)
My friend and I were sure adventure awaited as we slowed down and pulled over to pick this guy up. We were gonna give him a ride wherever he was going and become more interesting ourselves in the process.
But as we got closer to the mystery man and his thumb, I saw a different story come into view.
The man who had looked like a funky hippie from afar looked pretty sketchy and creepy up close. His body had a strange tick and some teeth were missing; though the years have dulled my memory, I specifically recall that his eyes had this terrifying look – a look that we all register deep down in our animal body.
It’s a look that told me not to let this guy in my car – my animal instinct was screaming to keep on driving…but we’d already parked.
The friend I was with had a similar gut reaction, but we felt stuck – I mean, he knew we’d pulled over to give him a ride.
Luckily my people pleasing wasn’t so intense that I was willing to risk potential murder in order to follow through. Nope, instead I tried to sweet talk my way right outta there.
“Hi,” I said as I rolled my window down a few inches and smiled. “I really wanna give you a ride but I don’t have room in my car – I need to go drop my friend off first, but I’ll be back – okay?”
He looked into my empty backseat and at the terrified eyes of my friend.
“You have room,” he growled, and I laughed nervously as I began to roll the window back up.
“You’re not coming back,” he said as he angrily smacked my roof, his response only further confirming that I needed to get the hell outta dodge.
I laughed and told him I definitely would, quickly rolling my window back up and pressing my foot on the gas.
We didn’t go back. Which might be the reason I lived to tell this story today.
(I’m 90% sure that terror awaited us on the other side of that car door – but I never returned so I can’t say with confidence. This is a mystery I’m glad I never solved.)
I share this story not to make broad generalizations of people who hitchhike or the giddy but clueless twenty year old’s who might pick them up – I share this story as an example of how it feels to be certain.
I mean, I was REALLY CERTAIN that I should not let this man into my car –and I think we’ve all felt that feeling of a big YES or a big NO in our bodies.
Feeling certain can be around small decisions like where to eat dinner, or BIG decisions like who to marry or if you wanna have kids– but I’m willing to bet you’ve got some experiences of your own that have demonstrated a deep knowing and certainty.
And –when you’re not afraid of getting murdered by a hitchhiker—that certainty can feel really good, right?
But certainty can also be really elusive – and waiting to be certain, especially when it comes to big decisions in life, can keep us stuck.
I’ve written about this idea before because waiting to be certain kept me stuck for years, and I see it still affecting the people I work with as a coach – we often feel like we need to wait for an epiphany to make the move, leave the relationship, choose the major, or even do things like have kids.
What if the epiphany never comes? And what if that’s okay?
Tune into the latest podcast episode (linked below) to hear my discussion on this idea (and more) with ABC News 10’s media creative Ilana Blasingame.
We expand on questions like:
Do we need to have burning bush moments about the big choices in our life?
If we don’t feel really SURE about a choice, does that mean it’s not right?
If we’re not sure...do we wait for the epiphany?
We also discuss:
How to go with the flow and do the next right thing at work (and in life)
How every job and experience we have is nurturing a larger skillset
How motherhood changes perspective (and can help you give less f*cks)
How to think about yourself less - and what kind of value you want to offer in life MORE
Listen at the links below – and if you like what you hear please subscribe, rate, and review the podcast – and consider sharing it with someone who would benefit!
Xo,
Melissa
Listen here on iTunes
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Listen here on Soundcloud
If you don’t have time to listen to the whole episode, here are some highlights from Ilana’s story to check out (with minute marks):
15:00 How to feel and work through imposter syndrome
20:00 What were her childhood dreams and how do they relate to what she’s doing now?
30:00 How skills acquired from previous jobs and roles (like being a caregiver) can totally transfer to whatever it is you do with your life today. (And how it’s all about marketing!)
38:00 How to be around talented people without crumbling under intimidation - and how to “go for it” when you’re thrown into a sink or swim situation (that may or may not involve Disneyland.)
42:00 How to apply your life values at work - and how to zoom out and ask, “what kind of impact do I want to leave on this earth?”
47:00 How does becoming a mother affect career - and how does that compare with how we THINK it will affect our career?