The holidays are almost over and that usually gives me a bad case of the doldrums.
(Before you recommend a shot of penicillin, the doldrums are simply my version of the blah’s.)
Here we are the day after Christmas (still smack dab in the middle of Hanukkah) and I don’t think I’m alone in having an “ugh” feeling.
There’s the idea of taking down the tree and packing the decorations, the neighborhood light displays disappearing from my evening walks, and watching the dead Christmas trees accumulate in gutters over the first few weeks of drab, dark, and cold January.
The post-holiday blues
Blaaaaaaah.
Here’s what my brain says around this time of year:
“January sucks. February is the pits too. Can we just skip to spring already?”
I know what you’re thinking: “Wait, isn’t this gal a life coach? Isn’t she supposed to write positive stuff? Do I need to cheer HER up?”
Actually, that’s not technically what you’re thinking: that’s just what my brain says you’re thinking.
What I’ve just shared with you are a few thoughts from my brain. I’m going to highlight these thoughts because they’re important:
“January sucks.”
“Life coaches have to be positive.”
Neither of these sentences are “truth” or “facts.” They’re simply thoughts.
The reason thoughts are important is because they cause feelings.
For example, when I think the thought “January sucks” it causes me to feel sadness.
When I think “life coaches have to be positive” I begin to feel anxiety.
To take it a little further, below is an example of the cascade* that my brain can put in motion:
First, there’s a circumstance that’s completely neutral. (It’s December 26th and therefore almost January.)
I have a thought about the circumstance. (“It’s bad that it’s almost January. I don’t like January.”)
The thought causes a feeling. (Sadness.)
The feeling causes an action (I’m gonna sit on the couch and eat all the holiday cookies I baked because it will help me to numb out.)
The action causes a result. (I feel crummy and bloated. Now sadness is exacerbated by diarrhea and I most definitely don’t feel any better about January. Cue more negative thoughts about this time of year. Rinse and repeat.)
Choo choooooo! It’s no Polar Express, but that was a fun ride on my thought train, right??
But wait, I didn’t actually ride that thought train all the way to belly-full-of-cookies-diarrhea-town.
I decided to get off around “it sucks that it’s January” and that’s the only reason that I’m writing to you right now instead of nursing a cookie and shame hangover.
How did I do that? By simply engaging in a practice of watching my brain and realizing that I don’t have to run with everything it spits out.
My innocent, incredible, and over-active human brain is SO great at creating ideas and thinking thoughts but not so great about making me feel anything but worried, sad, and anxious.
And that totally makes sense on a survival level. Our brains didn’t adapt to make sure we’re always happy – they adapted to watch for any danger (negativity) in the environment because it’s remembering THAT stuff that kept our ancestors safe. We come by negative thoughts honestly!
But thoughts are just neutral sentences our brain spits out. Pretty revolutionary, right?
Thoughts are things we don’t have to grab onto and believe – instead we can just watch them pass through our minds, like we would watch ships sail across a harbor or a piece of poop float across the bath tub. (What? I’m just trying to keep you focused.)
Oh, and this is important: I’m not trying to fight the thoughts I feel. I don’t need to squash the “I hate January” thought or battle it with a BS “I love January!” Instead I just get to lean back in my brain and watch these thoughts pass – without latching onto them. Not judging, not fighting, not believing or changing – just observing.
The space between my thoughts and myself is where, if I want, I can choose to think some different thoughts that might be more helpful to my spirit and mental health—because my brain is kinda like a puppy that’s gonna chew on SOMETHING so I may as well give it something better to tear to shreds.
Maybe instead of chewing on “I hate January” my brain can instead notice the peaceful quiet that weekends have once the holiday antics have passed.
If I stop chewing on “people only want me to write positive stuff” my brain can nurse a thought like “people appreciate when I write honestly.”
Neither one of those thoughts is true or false: but one makes me feel anxious and the other makes me feel comfortable. Big difference in what my next action is!
This isn’t a thought battle, and I still see those other thought clouds passing by…I’m just actively choosing to nurse different thoughts every chance I can.
So, if this time of year your brain puppy is anything like mine, join me in some “adventures in thought puppy babysitting.”
By simply watching your own thought puppy (and not identifying with the things it decides to chew on) you’ll create some space. It’s in this space you can decide if you wanna grab onto a thought (and the feeling/action/result it creates) or if you just wanna watch it pass by.
In the space between your thoughts and your feelings you might find some freedom, peace, and a bit more sanity.
In the space where your Christmas tree used to be, you might find an empty space to fill with something else.
I think I’ll use that corner to dance to Pump the Jam by Technotronic – but that’s just me. (Oops, I did it again…)
Happy holidays, happy weird funky space between this year and the next, and happy thought puppy baby-sitting.
xo,
Melissa
PS: Hit me up if you want help reigning in those thought puppies. Think of me as Cesar Milan the Thought Whisperer – I can help your mind stop peeing all over the rug and START creating a life that wins ribbons at the Westminster Dog Show. Wait, what?
*This is known as the Self Coaching Model by coach Brooke Castillo