A few months back I had to fire my life coach over an irreconcilable difference.
It was tough because she was amazing. But a boundary of mine was crossed…one I didn’t even realize I had.
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I hired this coach last year after following (and admiring) her for a while. Our work together was incredibly challenging, transformative, and led to shifts in my thinking I’d been building toward my entire life. That’s a big thing to say, but working with her was kinda like happening into the perfect teacher at the perfect moment: I, the student was ready, and she, the teacher (and life altering work) appeared.
It sorta reminded me of when I read the Da Vinci Code at eighteen and my entire worldview changed. If you haven’t read the book, an aspect of the story is predicated on how much of the world (specifically religious symbolism) isn’t actually fact but (instead) a story that’s been told about something neutral. When I realized that swastikas had previously been symbolic of peace and love, and that the holy cross used to symbolize darkness and torture, my young mind was blown.
You mean life (and its symbols) aren’t inherently good or bad?
We humans assign meaning and judgment to things, and that meaning can change in time?
Working with this coach amplified my awareness of this idea x 1000 and showed me how it applied to my own life.
The stories I’ve been living in aren’t facts and I don’t have to believe them.
It’s possible to form new belief systems and create the life I actually want.
Big stuff started shifting for me because that’s what happens when you unlock an inner prison. My relationships, business, and entire worldview shifted—and doing this work while also learning how to be a mother was incredibly difficult but also incredibly powerful.
“There is literally no stopping me now,” crossed my mind multiple times during our work together, which is the exact thought I now aim to cultivate in my own clients. (It should be noted that massive self-growth is also uncomfortable AF and these thoughts are peppered with “it’s too hard, I’m giving up, this is the worst thing ever, I think I might die” – the key is learning to not listen to those thoughts.)
One night I was journaling about my business and being curious about a possible niche so that I could better reach my people. I don’t mean in the traditional “niche” sense, like becoming, say, a body image or business coach – I mean I was asking myself, “what is it about me and my life experience that can uniquely serve the people I’m meant to help? What is the through line in all of my own work that “my” people will recognize?”
As I wrote about my own experiences and reflected on clients I’ve most enjoyed working with, I began to see a pattern with the word trust.
Photo by Bernard Hermant on Unsplash
Trust in self.
Trust in others.
Trust in life, the universe, God.
I began realizing that the only reason I’m doing ANY of this work (coaching, writing, the podcast, all of the inner work that led up to it) is because I navigated life WITHOUT trust for so long.
I didn’t trust myself and looked to other people for permission; I looked to society for approval without consulting my higher self (and my Higher Power) for guidance.
I saw that my clients, like me, had trusted the wrong things—things like other people’s critical opinions, societal expectations, and fear. They often didn’t know how to trust the right things: their experiences, their bodies, or their inner knowing and navigation. When trust appeared, changes rippled through their entire lives—businesses, relationships, creative endeavors, and bank accounts all transformed through the confidence that comes from trust.
TRUST.
I put my pen down that night and went to bed; finding the trust line that wound through all of my work was something I couldn’t wait to share with my coach.
But I never got to tell her this story because the next day everything changed— our coaching relationship exploded and our work together abruptly ended.
Why? A violation of trust, of course – a most auspiciously timed event, if I do say so myself.
I wrote about this experience in an article published on Tiny Buddha this week—and spoiler alert, the incident isn’t actually all that juicy, y’all.
It is, however, a perfect example of why we each need our own navigation system.
When my coach and I disagreed on this big thing, I was forced to turn within rather than toward her— or anyone else for that matter.
It was time to put my proverbial money where my mouth was – or, in this case, ask for my money back.
Trust.
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That ability to turn within and take bold (sometimes scary) steps with courage is exactly what I cultivate in others as a coach.
Trusting that we each have answers if we’re willing to dismantle faulty belief systems is the work I was made for – and it’s a lesson I’m willing to keep learning again and again.
And though my heart was kinda broken with the way this relationship ended, I have a lot to thank this coach for— because in the end she taught me a ton about myself.
The belief I’m carrying with me is that it was part of a bigger plan to mold me into the strongest, most powerful, and badassiest self (and coach) I can be.
And that’s a message I can trust.
Xo
Melissa
To read the Tiny Buddha article click here
Ready for a story of redemption and hope? Check out the latest Follow Your Fire podcast at this link